THERE BENEATH
A. Swan
Content Warning: PTSD Flashback/Panic Attack
There he was. The saviour of the kingdom. The hero of the people.
His Radiance.
Through the gap in the bookshelf, Kell watched him smile at a child by the desk at the front, a dimple on his right cheek punctuating the grin. The grey strands woven through his black hair shone silver in the morning light, matching his eyes.
‘Ras,’ a voice called, and to Kell’s surprise, His Radiance turned.
‘Could you help Professor Firrol with the records? She’s researching for her next book.’ The woman who’d spoken wore soft leather boots peeking out from underneath an emerald robe. The rest of her was blocked by the next row of shelves.
‘Of course,’ he said, and ruffled the child’s short locks as he walked past.
Ras.
Kell wondered if that name was a lie. Or was ‘Sterling’ a conjuration by the High Priestess? He supposed that any parent who would name their grey-eyed child something like that would have either severely overestimated their importance or thought it was funny.
His mother would’ve thought it was funny.
‘What are you doing?’
Kell stiffened, then focused on the books in front of him, picking up one at random. ‘Just looking,’ he said, dropping the soft Northern consonants for harsher Southern ones. He faced the intruder. ‘Am I in your way?’
Knight Terys stood behind him, their plain clothes doing nothing to hide their training. Their eyes were narrowed and one hand was at their hip like it was resting on an imaginary sword.
Where there was one, there was the other.
Sterling’s knight regarded him, adopting a more relaxed stance as they leaned against the shelves. ‘Why were you watching my friend?’
‘Thought he looked familiar.’ Kell put the book back. ‘Is he a lord or something?’
‘No.’ Their chestnut eyes narrowed again. ‘Where are you from?’
Rubbing his neck, he said, ‘A town by the Ridge. It doesn’t really have a name.’ Kell brushed his hair out of his face. ‘Why do you ask?’
Before they could answer, His Radiance himself poked his head out from behind Terys. ‘Interrogating another random person again, are we?’
He was shorter than his knight, but there was something about him that made you focus solely on him. Something in the way he held himself, like he was the only solid thing in the world. Sterling held out his hand, his smile bright. ‘Sorry about them. What’s your name?’
Kell didn’t let himself hesitate, taking his hand and shaking it. ‘Kell.’
As Sterling introduced the glowering knight and himself — ‘Ras’ left his lips so easily — Kell felt his fingers curl into the warmth that still enveloped his palm even after the contact. Not quite hot enough to burn, though it wasn’t far off.
‘Is there anything I can help you with?’ Sterling asked. ‘Any particular book you’re after?’ His voice was quieter than Kell thought it would be; less the proud hero and more of wind rustling through a field.
‘No, I’m all right.’ He gestured to the library and pulled his lips into a grin. ‘It’s lovely just being in here, isn’t it?’
Looking around, Sterling’s face grew softer. ‘I think so.’
Terys frowned at His Radiance, then placed a hand on his shoulder. Kell watched their eyebrows draw closer together before they whispered something to him.
Sterling blinked, jolting slightly. His gaze fell to Kell once more. ‘I’ll leave you to it. Don’t hesitate to ask me or Irabel for assistance.’
As they left, Kell turned back to the books, pulse thrumming.
Got you.
*
The first time Kell saw Sterling was the day his parents were taken away.
Of course, he’d seen portraits of His Radiance before. The first was at fourteen when he’d hid behind one of the giant decorative vases during Raum’s initial address to his military advisors. The painting was obviously rushed with messy lines and splatters of colour, but Kell remembered those stormy eyes staring directly at him and thinking, he looks my age.
His mother caught his eye from her place beside Raum, and afterwards pulled him into a store room, her grip on his arm tight. ‘Listen to me, my love. This–this Gilded One is trying to destroy everything we've built. Do not let him twist your mind. Do not let him in.’
Over the next five years, the lighting in the portraits grew darker, casting Sterling’s face in mysterious shadow, and his age became indiscernible — like he was immortal. They always gave him the same expression, though; carefully blank and looking right through you.
That day, His Radiance was smiling, his voice carrying across the crowd from where he stood on a make-shift stage in front of Raum’s palace. Kell didn’t remember the speech Sterling gave, but he remembered wondering when he got those silver streaks in his hair, and the way the crowd jostled him — swaying towards His Radiance as if in a trance.
And Kell remembered the moment his parents were brought on stage.
Their arms were shackled behind them and their clothes were torn — only Raum’s insignia, a raven head, visible. His father never lifted his gaze from the stage, and his mother stood at attention, eyes to the horizon. Soldiers from the old guard dragged others Kell recognised behind them as more and more members of the crowd began to shout, spittle flying and the jostling turning into crushing. Everything was blurry after that.
The last thing he remembered was his mother ducking into a carriage with bars on the windows, willing her to see him, to at least look in his direction.
She didn’t, and the carriage rode away.
*
A few minutes after seeing Knight Terys stride through the heavy door, Kell approached the library.
There was the buzzing underneath his skin he’d felt since laying eyes on Sterling the week before, but his mind was quiet as he reached for the brass handle.
This was it. Without the knight, this was his chance to—
The door swung open, forcing Kell to leap back or risk breaking his nose. His Radiance brushed past him, rushing down the path towards town before coming to an abrupt stop, his head swinging side to side.
Without consciously deciding to, Kell called out, ‘They already left.’
Sterling’s shoulders tensed, and for a moment, Kell thought he saw some kind of haze blurring His Radiance’s figure. Then he blinked and Sterling was turning towards him, a faint smile on his face.
‘Sorry?’
‘Terys. I ran into them on my way here and that was a bit ago.’
Wrinkles appeared on his forehead. ‘Right, thanks.’ Sterling ran his thumb along his bottom lip. ‘Would you—’ he blurted, but cut himself off. ‘Sorry, never mind.’
Kell leaned against the stone column by the door. 'What?'
‘I was going to ask,’ he said, sweeping his hair from his brow only for it to fall back in the same place, ‘if you would want to accompany me into town? I know we don’t know each other, but I need to get out of the library, and I…’ Sterling sighed, picking at his nails. ‘I—I’d rather not be alone right now.’
Poor little Gilded One. Lost without his guard dog.
Kell made sure his smile was gentle with a sliver of teeth and a slight crinkling at the corners of his eyes. ‘Sure.’
It was quiet as they walked. Birds called to each other from either side of the woods, and the underbrush occasionally rustled with life. The musk of damp dirt and rotting leaves was the same as the one permeating his cottage no matter what he did to get it out. Kell had a brief vision of his corpse by the hearth, decaying until he became the soil for leaves to die on.
The scent of fresh baked bread pulled him from his thoughts, and as they entered the town’s centre Kell waited for His Radiance to approach the knots of people scattered about the shop fronts. Instead, he led them to an alley between a florist and a cobbler with crates, trampled flower stems and splotchy pieces of leather. Sterling whistled — more of a breath than a clear note — and got a mrrow! in response. Between two crate stacks squeezed a tabby cat, tail pointed to the sky. His Radiance crouched down, stroking her fur and whispering, ‘Hello, lovely.’ He glanced at Kell. ‘You just going to loom there?’
Before he could stop it, Kell snorted. To mask his misstep, he joined Sterling in a crouch and held out his hand to the tabby who immediately rubbed her face against it.
‘There you go.’ He could hear the smile. Then softer, ‘Thank you.’
And Kell didn’t know what to do.
*
The next day, Kell found a letter tucked between his front door and the frame.
He’d never received a letter from Helm’s Keep despite sending many over the last four years, but somehow he knew. With shaking hands, he broke the seal.
My love,
We were wrong. I’m sorry.
*
Kell found His Radiance alone in the records room.
‘Ah, Kell,’ he greeted, smiling. ‘I’ll be with you in a tick, just sorting out some of Firrol’s sources.’ Sterling gestured to the papers and books strewn about the desk beside Kell. ‘She’s a brilliant woman, but terribly disorganised.’
Kell glanced at a paper on top, the words so very familiar. ‘I’m actually an admirer of Professor Firrol’s work.’
‘Is that so?’ Sterling asked distractedly, slotting a book from a stack in his arm back in place.
Kell nodded. ‘Her most recent field of study is particularly interesting.’ He stared at His Radiance. ‘Prophecies.’
Sterling froze.
Picking up a handwritten note, Kell asked, ‘Have you heard the one from the North?’
‘N—No.’
He read aloud, not caring how quickly his Northern accent clawed its way out: ‘When darkness falls across the land, seek the one that burns bright,’
‘Please, stop.’ Sterling’s voice cracked.
‘For they have the last gift of the gods in hand—’
‘Kell, please.’
‘—and they will cleanse the blight,’ he finished, letting the paper float to the wooden floor as he stalked towards Sterling who clutched the books tightly to his chest, his shoulders shaking. ‘You know, nothing in that prophecy mentioned tearing families apart.’ As he grew closer, he heard erratic breathing and his skin felt too warm. ‘So why did you do it, Ster—’
‘Don’t call me that!’ he screamed.
The hair on Kell’s arms bristled. He could’ve sworn the books started floating around him. Then a pulse of orange light slammed into him, knocking him to the ground. The shelves held, but the books toppled, each thump! making Kell flinch.
The haze he caught a glimpse of days ago was everywhere now, and sweat poured down his face. At the centre stood His Radiance, eyes glowing with the same orange light — like a sunset at the end of the world.
This was the power from the gods. This was the power that ended the war. This was the power that killed Raum the Overseer.
Kell wondered how they ever thought they’d win.
Then His Radiance hunched in on himself, tugging at his hair and murmuring, ‘No, no, no.’ He tried to take some breaths, choking out, ‘You’re not there. You’re at the library. He’s dead, he’s dead. You’re fine.’ Tears spilled down his face. ‘You’re fine.’
The first portrait flashed in Kell’s mind, and he remembered thinking, he looks my age. He remembered staring at the picture of His Radiance — a boy, a child — and thinking, he looks scared.
‘Ras,’ Kell said, slowly getting to his feet. ‘Breathe.’
And he did, until the haze faded away and the orange light dimmed, those silver eyes still sparkling with moisture. Stumbling backwards, Ras used the wall to ease himself to the ground. He took another deep breath, staring at the carved flowers clustered at the corners of the ceiling. ‘It’s lovely just being in here, isn’t it?’
Kell chuckled softly, his chest light. ‘I think so.’
A. Swan is a writer from Tasmania who loves fantasy and romance, but enjoys dabbling in whatever catches her interest. She’s also an aspiring audio drama creator, and has had her work played on 2SER, a community radio station in Sydney.
